Saturday, 13 December 2008

Turning left, not right

As it turns out, we did indeed end up flying business class, but 12 hours later than scheduled, thanks to an airline screwup that saw us miss our boarding call. Business class can be summed up as thus:

Hello Miss Customer Service, I've been upgraded, does that mean I can use the business class lounge? Why shucks, thank you! I'm really not used to such grandeur.
Ooooh... free coffee.... free muffins .... champagne! I don't care that it is 9.30am.
Ooooh... free 15-minute massage? Dang, not enough time.
Now what shall I have for breakfast? What goes with champagne?
Oh hello Mr Chief Customer Service. Thank you for your humble apology. Sorry I cried "BA ruined my birthday!" in front of all those would-be customers last night. Yes I do like the yoghurt and berries.
Dang, I shouldn't have bought Vanity Fair, there it is among the free magazines.
Now what time do I need to board? Fk, within two minutes.
Flashback scenarios of previous evening's missed flight debacle. Drop muffin on ice bar and hightail for the gate lounge.

Then to business class itself. Ever wondered what's up those dinky little staircases at the front of the aircraft? Why it's a whole little cabin dedicated to those who need to pay bucketloads to have others make them feel good about themselves. (Air hostess trivia: apparently first and business class are dubbed "ICU": because those passengers can't scratch their bottoms without help.) Of course Jason and I ran on screeching "Suckas!" or words to that effect. Or maybe it was "champagne? don't mind if I do". I can't really remember.

But here's the dirty secret about biz class: for all that extra leg room, you STILL get people kicking the back of your seat. You STILL get liquids splashed on your lap. And you STILL can smell other people's unpleasant after-lunch digestations, even though they might be feet away from you. And air hostesses are STILL inattentive, borderline rude.

But the chair-beds are pretty great, as are the cosy little shell cubicles. I quite enjoyed the privacy. Jason quite enjoyed only his second airborne sleep ever - the first being the other time he was bumped up to business.

1 comment:

Top Bird said...

Oh, sounds fabulous.
Flying would be a treat if business class was standard.
Great post. xx